​DID I JUST WRITE A REVIEW OF ‘SELFIES WITH BIBLE GIRLS’?

YES I DID!

From a former reporter with one of Nigeria’s top 4 newspapers and blogger with over 50,000 readers, Selfies With Bible Girls by Laju Iren has come to stay.

Drawing in comments from literary and non-literary readers, one is bound to wonder what exactly makes this red-hardback book such a rave.

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A tale to tickle your toes. 

It’s another one from Chineye. 

If you can relate after reading this,  say ‘aye’. 😊

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I, hereby, declare a Whole Beef.

I can’t sleep because I’m pained. If you have a nutritionist aunt, just forget it. Nutritionists are terrorists.

In bed and reminiscing one very painful incident, it’s more painful now, that I think of it. 

During one of my visits to one of my relatives, they served everyone pounded yam and egusi, then my aunt smiled at me, with her lovely dentition.

‘Oh Chi, you’re on a diet. Manage the salad. I mixed it with fish so, you’ll like it’. 

Just like that, no conscience, like I’m a goat.😒.

When i strolled into the kitchen, I saw the egusi soup with goat meat, stock fish and dry fish. The sight of the food, oh, it was like I’d walked to a temple. It looked sacred. I asked the help for mine and was served. You see, my plan was to quickly eat there but I was forming not desperate.

I’d washed my hands o, taken my time to mould the ‘poundy’ in my palm, dipped the poundy ball into the soup and taken a generous amount of soup with the ‘minions’, about to put it in my mouth.

‘Ah’! My aunt had rushed into the kitchen, caught me at that moment and screamed. 

Mtcheeeeewww!

As if it was not painful enough, I got home. Too tired from the traffic, hungry, I decided to just take some yoghurt and sleep. Suddenly, my neighbour came to my house with her dinner, egusi and semolina. 

Ordinarily, I could have joined her but it looked small and she kept saying ‘Ha, Chi, I’ve not eaten since morning’, as if she knew I was about to beg her. I looked at the food long and hard, wondering what I did to deserve this. 

Oh Lord, why?